All of a sudden, I found myself in love with the world...
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Saturday, November 14, 2009
3:02AM
Life is starting to lose its luster.
I went out drinking with everyone tonight, like I'd wanted to for a couple weeks. And it was just dull. I don't know if it's that I'm sick of the friends I have or I'm sick of going out or what, but it just felt predictable and stupid and shitty. For a while we were sitting in my car in front of Donner's apartment in dead silence because no one wanted to mention that we weren't having any fun like we all felt like we should be.
So I have a new job, at a newspaper. I'm making adult wages, 24k a year. This would be good news if I could still stand to live at home, but I have to get out of here. I've had enough of the bullshit and inconsiderate fuckstickism. I've had enough of being insulted and condescended to because my shitty cellphone broke or I lost my car keys or something. It's never going to change, either. My father doesn't see me as an adult and he never will, and my mother is either a saint or a masochist for having put up with him for this long. That's just the way it is.
Unfortunately, I also owe him/them 3 grand, and it looks like my grace period on that is running out. So in addition to all the expenses that go with living on my own, I'm going to be paying them back (along with my college loans) for a good year or so.
So I have the option of living at subsistence level again and saving little or no money, or living with someone that drives me fucking bonkers. I'll take the former.
On top of that, I'm just not as excited about this job as I feel like I should be. I'm proud that I got it, but that's about it. I'm not that excited about ANYTHING. I was excited about moving to Asia, but that looks like it isn't going to happen for a while now. So now what the fuck am I going to do?
I will abide, though. Life always seems to go shitty around this time. I will abide.
Monday, December 31, 2007
2:43AM
1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
Hmmm...Went to Turkey, broke up with someone, drove all the way to Virginia, took a girl on an actual date (something I generally abhor), had a friend die on me, made out with my best friend, had sex with people I wasn't in love with...that's about it.
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't make new years resolutions. My general hope is that next year goes a fuck of a lot better than this one, especially the past couple of months.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes.
5. What countries did you visit?
Turkey.
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
A steady relationship.
7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Getting the call in the Astor Place subway station that Shawn was dead, Valentines Day, watching the St. Patty's Day Parade on 5th Avenue, my Lee Hotti party, and Halloween night.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I didn't accomplish much, honestly. I guess my moderate levels of success with women.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Shitty grades. Losing my baphomet medallion.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Got the flu in March and a nasty head cold around Christmas. Oh well.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
My hookah.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
I don't know.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Malcolm and Kathy's landlords. My parents, sometimes.
14. Where did most of your money go?
School textbooks, the trip to Virginia, the trip to Turkey, tuition (THANKS MOM AND DAD).
15. What did you get really excited about?
Turkey, the College Media conference in Manhattan.
16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
Don't know.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
Somewhat sadder, but hopefully a bit wiser.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Skinny dipping. Visiting Shawn before I lost him. Saving money.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Slept with someone stupid and unattractive.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Next year? Fuck if I know, my family doesn't plan that far ahead!
21. Did you fall in love in 2007?
No.
23. How many one-night stands?
Well, I had sex with people I wasn't dating, but they wound up turning into sort-of-relationships. Does that count?
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Probably South Park.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don't really hate anybody at the moment.
26. What was the best book you read?
Rhetoric and Reality: The Arab Mind Considered, by John Laffin
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Paola-Above the Candystore.
28. What did you want and get?
To have sex with someone attractive. To go to Turkey.
29. What did you want and not get?
To have sex with someone attractive more than once. A job that didn't involve motor oil. A steady relationship.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Hmmm. Beowulf, maybe. The best movie I saw (not that was released) would probably be Spun.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Drank at the bar and ranted about Stalin. I'm 23.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Fallen in love.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?
The phrase "personal fashion concept" is vomit-worthy. Generally I dressed the way I have for the past couple of years: lots and lots of black.
34. What kept you sane?
Music. Food. The computer. The Echo (well, it drove me a little insane too. 50/50 there.)
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I don't really lust after celebrities much.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
I didn't really have one, but studying Middle Eastern cultures more has made me a lot more xenophobic.
37. Who do you miss?
Shawn. A lot.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Well, I technically "met" Jack in 2006, but he's pretty up there.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
Value your friends. Go with your gut when it comes to females.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Anal Cunt: Beating Up Hippies For Their Drugs At A Phish Concert
You've got no fucking money and your girlfriend is ugly
So I stole your drugs [x2]
Your van's a piece of shit with a Dead sticker on it
So I stole your drugs [x2]
First I stole your nitrous
Then I stole your acid
Then I stole your mushrooms
Then I kicked your ass
Then I stole your pot
Then I stole your beer
Then I stole your tickets
And sold them for crack
Current mood:  tired Current music: The Kills- No Wow
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